Social media has flipped the script on how we communicate, connect, and—most importantly—fall in love. For some, it’s a lifeline to a like-minded community. For others, it’s an excuse to be a keyboard Casanova (or menace). With Valentine’s Day coming up (less than 24 hours away!), we take a look at how social media has influenced dating and relationships. This is no longer the same dating scene that your parents or elder millennials knew. Whether it’s through dating apps or a strategically placed “like” on Instagram, finding love—or at least a situationship—is as easy as swiping right. But is that really a good thing?

The history of online dating

Believe it or not, online dating has been around since the 1950s! Two Stanford students, Jim Harvey and Phil Fialer, used a questionnaire and an IBM 650 computer (the first mass-produced digital computer) to match 49 men and 49 women. So yes, somewhere in the US, someone’s grandparents met via a “dating algorithm.” Meanwhile, South Africa joined the digital dating scene in 1995 with Yid.com, a Jewish dating service. Fast forward to 2024, and we’re spoiled for choice.

Tinder remains the big fish, with a whopping 61% of South Africans surveyed saying they’ve used or are using the app, according to Statista. Launched in 2012, Tinder gamified dating with the now-infamous swipe feature. For the uninitiated, swipe left = nope, swipe right = yes. If someone swipes right on you too, it’s a match! Then comes the nerve-wracking task of actually making conversation.

But online dating isn’t just about apps anymore. A well-placed comment on TikTok or a flirty DM on Instagram can be the start of something real… or just really messy.

The social media dating minefield

While we’re more connected than ever, relationships have never felt more fragile. The digital age has birthed a host of new dating nightmares—ghosting, breadcrumbing, orbiting (where an ex still lurks on your socials but won’t talk to you)… The list goes on.

Then, there’s the pressure of curating the perfect relationship online. The internet is full of #RelationshipGoals content, from extravagant proposals to “boyfriends of the year” buying luxury cars as apology gifts. It’s easy to feel like your relationship is lacking just because your partner didn’t shower you with R10,000 worth of roses. But social media thrives on curation, not reality.

Blue ticked…

A recent study by UKZN researchers Deevia Bhana, Valerie Reddy, and Shaaista Moosa looked at how 16- to 19-year-olds navigate intimacy online. Their findings? Social media is both a love lifeline and a warzone.

  • Some boys in the study expected their girlfriends to constantly update them on their whereabouts.
  • Girls were often pressured to delete male friends from their contacts to “prove their loyalty.”
  • WhatsApp and Snapchat have gone from communication tools to relationship surveillance apps.
  • One girl shared how her boyfriend banned her from having Instagram and Facebook because he believed “girls who use those platforms are too forward.”

Who knew a simple blue tick could cause so much drama? (Okay, Millennials did—back in the day, being online on Mxit without replying was grounds for a breakup.)

But it’s not all bad. The study also found that young women are pushing back against toxic partners, and social media helps long-distance couples stay connected in ways that were impossible before.

So, has social media ruined love?

Depends on who you ask.

We did ask on Facebook, and these responses stood out:

Electronics engineer Ledi Nkhatho thinks it has. “Even if you’re with someone who isn’t pressuring you to do grand gestures, you still feel inadequate because of what you see online. It plays on your self-esteem.”

Artist Nontsikelelo Jones disagrees, saying, “Social media has amplified women’s confidence in relationships, especially around emotional availability and financial expectations. Before, discussing financial needs in a relationship was taboo. Now, more women are upfront about it.”

So, should we all just quit dating apps and go back to meeting people the old-fashioned way—awkwardly, in person? Maybe not. As Joan Armatrading sang in the ‘90s, “There is more than one kind of love.”

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, don’t let the curated Instagram love stories fool you. Umjolo is different for everyone. What really matters is mutual respect and actually liking your partner. Everything feels easier when you let yourself be loved in ways that make sense to you.