Divorce is no walk in the park. It’s more than just a signature on paper; it’s a whirlwind of emotions, adjustments, and those late-night moments of soul-searching. “There is a lot to process during and after a divorce. The entire trajectory of one’s life changes: dreams and plans disintegrate, social connections change, and even simple life routines need to be figured out anew,” says Eran Magen, a relationship expert and founder of the Center for Supportive Relationships in New Haven, Connecticut.
In simple words, divorce is like hitting the reset button on your entire life.
That’s why Rachel Kolisi’s recent solo trip resonated with so many following her devastating split from Springbok captain Siya Kolisi.
The businesswoman and fitness enthusiast posted this past weekend about a solo horse-riding trip to Botswana in the context of this new stage of her life. The posts gathered millions of views across TikTok and Instagram.
“I’m in the process of getting divorced and co-parenting my kids. This was my first New Years without my kids, so instead of sitting home alone…I booked a solo trip I’ve been wanting to do for years,” the 34-year-old mum of two wrote on TikTok over a montage of horseriding, rainbows, sunsets, and safari drives.
The Kolisis’ divorce announcement in October shocked the country. The former power couple had been together for 12 years, married for 8 of them, and their love story seemed like one for the ages.
As Rachel illustrates, when one navigates this difficult experience, it’s important to take the right steps toward healing. Here are some more tips on how to deal with divorce
- Allowing yourself to grieve but also to celebrate small wins
Divorce often brings a mix of emotions: anger, sadness, relief, guilt, and everything in between. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don’t suppress them. It’s natural to grieve the end of a relationship, no matter how it ended. But here’s the thing: don’t forget to celebrate the little victories, too. Whether it’s getting through a difficult day without breaking down or simply making it through your first weekend without your ex, these moments matter. Each small win brings you closer to healing. For example, Rachel made an important step towards acceptance when she removed ‘wife’ from her social media bio.
Consider journaling to track your feelings. Writing down your thoughts lets you get your emotions out of your head and onto paper. It helps you understand your feelings and keep track of your journey as you begin to heal.
- Building a Support System
While taking time for yourself is crucial, you must also ensure you have a strong support system in place. This doesn’t mean surrounding yourself with people constantly telling you what to do but those who will listen when you need to talk. Your friends and family can be a great sounding board, but reaching out to a therapist or counsellor who can offer a safe space to unpack everything you’re going through could be helpful.
It’s easy to isolate yourself during this time, especially when you are trying to figure things out. However, isolation can make the healing process even harder. Reconnect with your people, even just for a coffee catch-up or a quick phone call. You’ll find that sometimes, a simple conversation can give you a sense of relief.
- Embrace a New Routine and Rediscover Your Passions
Post-divorce, one of the toughest tasks is figuring out what your new life will look like. Suddenly, you’re faced with so many questions: “What now?” and “What’s next?” A big part of the healing process involves creating a new routine and allowing yourself to explore passions you might have neglected over the years. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try new things, as Rachel Kolisi did, or perhaps you have been keen to attend a yoga class. Now’s the time to explore those interests.
- Embrace the Journey
Divorce is an incredibly tough chapter in life, but can also be an opportunity for growth and transformation. While the pain and grief can feel overwhelming at times, there’s also a world of new beginnings waiting for you. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Seek support, give yourself the space to heal, and allow your new journey to unfold naturally. It’s not about forgetting the past; it’s about learning from it and using those lessons to build a future that’s all your own.
Divorce may close one chapter, but it also opens up the possibility for a new, exciting story that’s uniquely yours. Just take it one day at a time, knowing that with every step, you’re moving closer to a new version of yourself, one filled with growth and newfound strength.
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