Police unable to release identikit of missing man due to there being no recent photos of him

SATIRE | By Kalim Rajab

(LIMPOPO) With millions of South Africans appearing every day on Zoom, Hangouts or any of the plethora of videoconferencing apps available, experts are baffled and frankly astonished that a man previously not able to function without the limelight appears to have disappeared.

“This particular individual has not been spotted in months,” Heidi Markram, a psychologist who treats narcissistic behaviour, said. “We wonder whether he might simply have run out of inflammatory things to say. If so, knowing his history, one would be seriously worried whether he’d be able to survive out there in the real world.”

Still, disbelief at the man’s unexplained going-to-ground continues unabated. Colleagues quashed rumours ascribing it to him having turned his back on his current position by choosing to work in a different profession. “We find that incredibly unlikely” concluded a colleague who spoke on condition of anonymity. “For that to occur, the person who hired him would have had to have been as equally unemployable as him.” – THE LOCKDOWN REPORT